iDidn't Lose My Mind
by PD31
Summary: An alternative ending to the episode iLost My Mind. One-sided Creddie, one-sided Seddie.


**AN: Another little one-shot that's been nattering me for a while.**

* * *

Freddie gazed around the room; his frustration was mounting as fan after fan gave their opinion of who he should or shouldn't be dating without anyone thinking to ask how he felt.

"SEDDIE!" the odd fan in his mother's basement had screamed. Freddie palmed his forehead in disbelief.

As his ire with the situation grew, the tech producer drew his phone from his pocket as he watched Carly speak to the camera.

"Wait" he told the brunette. "There's one more person we need to hear from."

In answer to the girls' confused looks he connected his phone to the website and spoke directly into it.

"HI, it's Freddie here" he began. "A lot of people have talked about whether Sam is crazy for feeling what she does. And what Sam feels is important, but no-one's asked what I think about it."

"We have –" the blonde began before the tech producer cut her off.

"No, we talked about what YOU want; how YOU feel. And it's important; but what I feel is important too." He lowered his phone and Carly trained the main camera on him as he faced his long-time tormentor; his face was an imperceptible mask.

"Ok Benson, here's your chance to humiliate me. Get me back for all the crappy things I've done to you in the past – " the blonde's tirade was curtailed as Freddie placed his hands on her shoulders and looked straight into her eyes. Her breath hitched in apprehension as she attempted to read his face.

"I'm not going to do that" he said softly. "I have no interest in humiliating you Sam…" then he sighed and persisted "but equally I have no interest in dating you. I just don't feel that way about you Sam." He turned to the brunette holding the camera and continued "I love Carly – she's the one who has my heart."

He released Sam's shoulders and turned away from her; her face fell and tears threatened to sting her eyes as he rejected her. She stared vacantly at the spot where he stood as he walked out of Troubled Waters, never once looking back at the stunned faces whose eyes followed his departure.

"But… but… b-b-but…" Carly stuttered. "Here" she said and thrust the camera into Gibby's hands before storming after the brown-haired boy, a determined expression etched onto her face.

"Creddie?" a confused voice caused all eyes to turn to the monitor in the corner; the rotund fan wore a bewildered look as he surveyed the scene.

* * *

"What was that all about?" Carly demanded as she caught up with Freddie; he was leaning against her car taking steadying breaths to control his pulse rate and recover his composure after what had just transpired. He looked at her and replied

"I told her the truth. I don't feel that way about her. It's always been you Carly and I can't change that just because you don't feel the same way." The brunette opened her mouth to respond but Freddie continued before she could "When she kissed me the other night; wow I was not expecting that but I just didn't feel anything. No spark, nothing." He sighed again and looked back to the building currently housing the blonde. "Without feeling anything for her it would never work – and if she _does_ really like me that way then it would only hurt her more later on."

"I don't understand…" she began.

"I know you don't; she hasn't spent the last four years hitting and insulting _you_ every day" he shot back bitterly. Unable to respond to that Carly just bit her tongue and stared at him in silence. He shook his head and continued "Thinking about how it felt when you kissed me, when we were briefly together – well there's no comparison Carls."

"So that's it? It's me or nothing? I don't get it" the brunette complained.

"Then you've never been truly in love" he told her "If you never love me then you never love me; I can live with that but I won't use Sam to numb the pain; I do actually care about her and won't use her or hurt her like that. I can live with the constant pain but I won't inflict it on someone else" before lapsing back into silence and leaving her to her thoughts.

The brunette forced herself to bite her tongue; part of her was screaming to say something but she realised he was taking her part in a one-sided attraction. How could she urge him to give Sam a chance if he genuinely felt nothing and feared he would hurt her; she couldn't tell him to do what she wouldn't do herself.

* * *

The pair walked solemnly back inside the foyer of Troubled Waters and Freddie began dismantling the equipment used to shoot the impromptu web-show. Sam cut an unusually disconsolate figure, stood in the centre of the large waiting area with Gibby and Spencer stood awkwardly around, not knowing what to say to the blonde.

"We'll get you out of here soon" Carly declared vehemently; Sam gave a lacklustre wave of acknowledgement and resumed staring into space.

She watched the group depart and retired to her room in the institution. Her mind replayed not the moment of his rejection but first retreated a couple of years earlier; she was back on Bushwell Plaza's fire escape.

"_Maybe you could pull back just a little bit" he suggested._

"_I don't think so."_

She had dismissed his simple request out of hand without a moment's thought for what he wanted. Now he had dismissed hers. She realised that he hadn't set out to humiliate her but it didn't make it hurt any less; she felt miserable, rejected and unloved.

Sam Puckett curled up into a ball on her bed as her vision began to blur from the wetness in her eyes. Again she was glad that Freddie wasn't there to see her cry.


End file.
